Disability as a Fetish: The Challenges of Online Sexual Harassment for Disabled Content Creator
As a woman on social media, I am no stranger to the reality of online sexual harassment. As a disabled content creator and model I am subjected to an even darker side - disability as a fetish. Every day, I am bombarded with unsolicited messages and misogynistic comments from men who seem to think that my mere existence online is an invitation for their unwanted advances.
This kind of behaviour is of course disrespectful, but it can also be incredibly harmful to our mental health and well-being. And before we get into what else I have to say, I feel that it’s incredibly important to get this out there, that this - online sexual harassment - is a form of gender-based violence, and that no matter how much society seems to want everyone to literally and figuratively turn a blind eye, it is never, EVER okay.
Disabled women, in particular, face a more nuanced form of harassment, in the form off fetishisation. The harassment we face often takes on a more ableist and gendered nature and includes a fantasy world based purely on the disabled aspect of our existence.
Entire forums, dark web groups and secret online clubs are set up for people who fantasise about disabled women, for them to hang out together and share their obsession.
In my case, a “hunter” posted links to my social media accounts within a forum such as this. It had thousands and thousands of members, who saw my account advertised and flooded to follow me on Instagram. At its peak they were following me at a rate of 1000 per hour. I couldn't delete them fast enough and I had to put my account to private just stop the onslaught. Not what you want to do when your account is your business!
What was needed was the ability to control who was following me whilst still leaving my account “open for business” but unlike other platforms such as LinkedIn, this isn’t a setting offered on Instagram - something I want to see changed.
I felt terrified that these strange people might find out where I lived. I felt vulnerable, scared, anxious - all because my place of work - social media - wasn’t safe!
It has since slowed into waves, somedays better than others but it’s clear that the constant onslaught of harassment and abuse could take a toll on my mental health. Spending hours every day removing disgusting messages and accounts from our profiles is not only emotionally draining but also takes away from the time and energy that could be spent building our business and a supportive and empowering community. And its heartbreaking to think that my precious energy is being wasted, with my efforts to create a safe and inclusive space being impacted so much by the actions of these awful excuses for human beings.
For disabled women who are trying to build a career in the online space, the issue of harassment and abuse can be overwhelming and even deter some from starting out on what can be a fabulous, inclusive career choice. The fear of being targeted by weirdos, trolls and harassers can make it difficult to focus on creating content and engaging with an audience.
All of these factors can make it extremely tempting for us disabled women to leave the online space altogether, it's something that creeps into the back of my mind almost daily at the moment. But, and it's a big but, it is important for social media platforms to step up and take stronger action to protect its users from harassment and abuse. This includes better enforcement of existing policies and guidelines, as well as investing in new tools and technologies to identify and prevent harassment. I'm here offering my services if you want me, hello! They should be taking swift and meaningful action against the perpetrators to ensure that the burden of harassment and abuse is not placed solely on the shoulders of those who are targeted by it. We are TIRED of carrying that weight, it doesn’t belong to us!
I wonder if you’re aware that statistics show that disabled women are at least TWICE as likely to experience sexual abuse and assault compared to non-disabled women. I say at least, because it is thought that many assaults actually go unreported so the real figure is thought to be much higher. Somehow this terrible statistic still seems to be ignored, at least in relation to the disabled community. I certainly can’t imagine this figure being ignored if it read -
“University Graduates are at least twice as likely to experience sexual abuse”
or
“Those with income of £50k+ twice as likely to experience sexual assault”
How about
“Men who catch the tube to work are twice as likely to experience sexual assault”
- can you imagine the outcry!
But the disabled community? Seriously, why isn’t this statistic getting the world jumping up and down in shock and horror, demanding that safeguards be put in place.
With so much focus put on women we forget part that men play. But it’s crucial for men to recognise the harm that their actions cause and take responsibility for their behaviour. This means not only stopping engaging in harassment and abuse themselves but also holding other men accountable for their actions.
This is such a huge topic - I can't even begin to scratch the surface on, it requires a shift on how society looks at the behaviours of a man. For example, we say “a woman was raped”, “three people killed in robbery” etc
We don't say “a MAN committed rape”, “a MAN murdered three people during robbery”.
Why is that do you think? Why do you think we don't focus on the man who committed crimes, but on the victims instead, why is there no emphasis on the man? When does it change? I'm thinking about when children are naughty, for example. If a little boy is naughty we focus on his behaviour not on his “victim”, so when does it change? I don't have an answer but I think the key lies there, somewhere.
Men obviously play a huge role in advocating for change and supporting the voices of marginalised groups. If we can get them to speak to each other it might be a start. Acknowledging that there’s a problem and something needs to change is only the beginning but it is where it starts.
Ultimately, addressing the issue of online harassment requires a collective effort from all individuals and organisations involved. Its not my job or any one person’s to try and fix this issue. We need to look at it together and work to fix it, together.
Not only that but in the face of all of this suffering in silence that we so clearly have been enduring, it is absolutely essential for online communities to come together to talk, share experiences, to support and lift each other up.
Disabled women should not have to face harassment and abuse AT ALL - obviously - but if its happening then please, for the love of all things good, let’s not suffer alone. We've been silent for far too long, each cowering in our own private hell. But by building supportive and inclusive communities, we can create safe spaces where everyone can thrive and reach their full potential. With no judgement, no bickering, no backstabbing just support, uplifting and love - a space very much like I'm trying to build.
Social media platforms offer little to no real protection against this kind of harassment. While most platforms have community guidelines and policies in place to protect users from harassment, they are often inadequate and not enforced properly. Being mainly run by AI instead of humans there seems to be insufficient policing of the platforms with so many problems flying under the radar and the focus of the little protection they do offer is along the lines of “look the other way”.
In the case of my own harassment, Instagram has asked me to “close my eyes” to the issues by blocking the problem accounts, at the same time doing nothing about the accounts themselves as they are "too busy”. If the platforms are too busy to police their own space - what does that say?!
One of the biggest challenges I hear when discussing the issue of online sexual harassment with people is finding it difficult to know how to respond. Some people may feel powerless to do anything about it, while others may feel overwhelmed and unsure of what to do next. It can be paralysing.
So I thought it might be useful to set out some simple steps at this point, that you can take to protect yourself and stand up against online sexual harassment. Here are a few things you could try:
Set boundaries: If you receive unsolicited messages or comments that make you uncomfortable, don't hesitate to block and report the person. Remember, you have the right to say NO to this behaviour. Whether the platform actually listens is another matter but at least you can try and in saying no you read reinforcing your own sense of self and where your boundaries are. A GOOD thing!
Speak out: Share your experiences with others, and encourage them to do the same. This is why you’ll hear me talking about my experiences and I have no plans of stopping. The more we talk about this, the more we can raise awareness and work towards ending it and I don’t want anyone to ever suffer alone like I did for so long, feeling ashamed and even guilty.
Advocate for change: Support organisations and campaigns that are working towards ending online sexual harassment. Use whatever platform you have to speak out against this issue and promote positive change and join forces when you can #TogetherWeAreStronger.
And please, please remember, it’s not your fault.
If you post pictures of yourself it’s not your fault.
If you are chatty in the comments, it’s not your fault.
If it ever strays from comfortable into non consensual and uncomfortable then it is not, and never will be, your fault. You did not ask for it. You do not belong to those people, you are your own self and you deserve to feel safe and respected in online spaces, just as you do in the offline world.
If in doubt take their behaviour and put it in the real world and ask yourself if it would be tolerated there . Would it be ok for someone to stand in M&S looking at a poster in the underwear department saying all the disgusting things out loud in front of the other customers? And would we be told to look away (i.e. block & delete) while that person continued? I doubt it. And would anyone say to those models that they brought it upon themselves for posting pictures in underwear in public? Again, I doubt it but that’s what has been said to me for being an underwear and swimwear model. It’s beyond ridiculous, these double standards that are forced on me with a side order of judgement.
But let me tell you the painful twist in this story.
Obviously, it is incredibly important that your content reaches the right audience when you are trying to grow a business online. I create content for women to empower, support, and advocate for the disabled female community through fashion, beauty, and lifestyle. But it doesn’t reach them.
Because so many of the wrong type have followed me (and I have no way to stop them) the AI-based algorithm has decided that my content is only of interest to misogynistic men who are only interested in sexualising me. Instead of showing my content to my chosen audience - disabled and midlife women it chooses to show it to the very audience I'm trying to get away from!
I'm being forced into a room with my abusers, with no way to control it. This is my BUSINESS, its how I earn a living, and currently, if I want this problem to stop, my only option is to close my “shop”.
And it's most definitely not just me. This is a frustrating experience that many content creators face on social media platforms. Even though you create content for a particular audience, the algorithm often fails to recognise the target audience, leading to fewer views and engagement. It's heartbreaking that all our hard work gets wasted in this way and we have no control over it and I feel it’s absolutely crucial to draw attention to this, to raise awareness about the need for social media platforms to improve their algorithms to ensure that content reaches its intended audience.
These platforms have a huge impact on our daily lives. They shape the very minds of the youngest generation and it's essential that their algorithms are more inclusive and representative of the diverse communities they serve. Failure to address this issue may very well result in the further marginalisation and exclusion of groups, such as my disabled community, and continue to perpetuate harmful biases.
But there is a silver lining amidst all of this negativity. The messages I receive from those whose lives I have impacted positively give me hope. Knowing that I have helped even one person to live their life more boldly is what keeps me going. Opening up message from one of my followers, my online family, saying I've helped them overcome a barrier to them living their life boldly fills my heart with joy and helps fuel my battery to continue to fight the fight.
Its crystal clear that the issue of harassment and abuse faced by disabled women on social media is a serious one that needs to be addressed. While there is no easy solution, it is important to at least HAVE the conversation and work together to create a more inclusive and supportive online community. It can be done, it needs to be done and I am willing to put the work in to get it done. All I need is someone to tell me how.