Let’s get uncomfortable
How often do you treat yourself, put yourself first, think of yourself before someone else?
Have you ever looked deeply into the eyes of a partner and told them how much you love and appreciate them? Yes? Me too.
Ever done that to your own reflection? And I’m not talking about a passing “hey, cutie” as you pass a mirror. I’m talking that deep soul-connecting gaze, a long lingering look as you say “I love you”.
Is it making you feel uncomfortable even reading this, are you squirming a bit?
We have been conditioned to believe that to think of ourselves first is selfish and I know that I have always put everyone and their mother before my own needs. It has caused me a lot of problems, both physically and mentally, and I’ve had to spend a lot of time healing from this incorrect and unhealthy thought pattern. Still am, truth be told.
Well, that uncomfortable, weird feeling, I want to get rid of it. I want us to get comfortable with telling ourselves how much we love ourselves, even if it doesn’t always feel true. This “You” has carried you through every trial and hardship that you’ve endured up until this moment and it will continue to put up with everything you throw at it until the day you finally close your eyes.
You’re the only “You” that you have, maybe it’s a worthwhile endeavour to try and spend time getting comfortable loving yourself.
Yes, it’s difficult.
Yes, it’s a bit weird at first.
But it’s also worth it.
Now I’m not saying there are parts of me I don’t struggle with, I don’t like everything about me. I don’t like everything in my past. I’m not perfect and neither is my history. But loving myself has become a passion that I have dedicated myself to and it’s brought me so much joy and by god I want to share that joy with you.
The time I had my first real, not-uncomfortable moment, that’s not great English is it, but I’m not sure there’s a better way to describe it, it wasn’t momentous. The world didn’t stand still. I just quietly realised that I was able to sustain my gaze with a neutrality. Progress.
More recently I had THE moment. The one where I held the gaze, looked with love, said all the right, loving, supportive words and truly felt them sink in and settle into my heart with the realisation that I believed them. And that really was a moment. Everything stopped. It was like falling in love for the first time. Nothing else mattered in that moment. I didn’t want anything to distract me from this gorgeous dopamine hit so I just stayed there staring at myself, smiling for all the world like a goofy person who’s just fallen in love. And it was a glorious feeling. I revelled in it and even now, writing this, I can close my eyes and summon it up easily.
That first time you truly believe your self love declaration is spectacular and I can’t wait for you to find out what yours feels like.
Take the first step, it is so worth it.
